This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
