you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
