You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
