remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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