We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
