you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
