I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
