It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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