...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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