he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
