my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize