I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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