Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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