I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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