haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We got so high we made milksteak
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
