I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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