The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
