I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
