it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
