hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize