I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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