Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
