white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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