wanna go halves on a baby?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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