Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
