Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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