bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
