he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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