we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize