I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
