sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
