Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
