Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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