Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
