meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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