Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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