i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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