you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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