I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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