Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
