Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
