when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
