did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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