girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize