dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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