I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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