guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
