You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
