Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
