Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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