Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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