i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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