this boner is exhausting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
