If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
worst night to have a conscience
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You pole danced in your parka.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
