Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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