So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
