Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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