Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize