oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
