He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
