Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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