Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
