Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
