census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
