Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
