I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize