Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
