he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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