love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
