I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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