My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was CRYING into my vagina
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
