I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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