How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
