I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
soo... how was my night?
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