i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just puked most of my soul out..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
