Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
