I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
