Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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