I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
