I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
