I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
