even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
