ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize