Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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