she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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