I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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