jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
