tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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