I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
