the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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