i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
