Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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