Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
