Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
