VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize