dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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