im having a threesome with these popsicles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
