My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am one with the molecules
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
