YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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