I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize