she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
