omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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