I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
