I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
